COVID took a toll on my body, physically and mentally. But most of all it left me experiencing an emotional wilderness; a lonely, uncomfortable, isolated, frustrating, and confusing time.
How can I experience God in this place? How can I enjoy His presence in the wilderness?
To enjoy is to take delight or take pleasure in something or someone. Can I delight there?
In the young days of my faith, I thought God would only lead me to delightful and life-giving spaces. But this is not always the case. God has allowed me to be uncomfortable and in difficult seasons. Whether I understood the purpose or not, the last thing I did was enjoy it.
Who wants to enjoy seasons of pain, heartache, death, or sickness?
As I have grown in my faith, I realize that we are not promised consistent happiness or comfort. When we read scripture, we see the challenging circumstances many men and women face. The wilderness they lived in or were led to, the sacrifice and pain.
When we read the story of Jesus, the Son of God, we see He too, spent time in the wilderness. Luke chapter 4:1 says that Jesus, “…was led by the Spirit in the wilderness…”
The Spirit intentionally led Him there.
Early in my faith, I didn’t think God would intentionally allow me to go into a tough space. Yet, He does.
What is encouraging in the story of Jesus is that He was prepared to go into the wilderness, Luke 4:1 also says, “Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit…”
The book of Matthew, chapter 3, tells us that after Jesus was baptized. ”… he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him.” God prepares Jesus for the wilderness with His Spirit. He promises His presence.
The same reinforcement, The Spirit of God, who lives within me. (Romans 8:9) (John 14:26)
There are various ways that The Spirit of God prepares us for hard seasons. I look back and see the countless ways He prepared me for hardship and grief.
Through scripture,
through sermons,
through music,
through others speaking truth into my life,
through prayer.
God had prepared Jesus for that season. He was not sending Him into the wilderness without reinforcement. He provided Him with the right tools and resources. God knew who Jesus needed to survive the wilderness.
During and after having COVID, it wasn’t any different for me. He had prepared me. Yet I was having a hard time seeing Him, enjoying Him.
When I got back home from the hospital I still had to isolate, I was alone a lot. Though my family was near I couldn’t be with them. One morning everyone was gone. I found myself crying (again). I was supposed to be “resting”, giving myself space to heal. But all I wanted was to hurry up the process.
I watched an online service where the pastor spoke on Mark 8, where Jesus heals a blind man. It is a beautiful story of healing. What struck me the most was Mark 8:23. It says “Jesus took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village.” And then Jesus goes on to heal him.
Why would Jesus take the time to walk this man out of the village? The passage doesn’t tell us, but can you imagine the scene? How long did it take? How far was the walk? Did Jesus have a conversation with the blind man? So many questions.
The pastor pointed out that Jesus took his time healing this man. Why? Jesus can say the word in the village and the blind man would have healed. But Jesus goes through a process.
Jesus was taking his time healing this man. I can relate to that. What also hit at my core was that Jesus, “…took the blind man by the hand…” Wow. Can you imagine that scene? These two men having an intimate moment. Jesus kindly intervenes. He held him near. Maybe they had a conversation. Most of all, Jesus accompanied him through his season. He was with him through his pain and through his sickness. Yet, leading him towards healing.
Jesus was and is available, just like the Spirit of God. He is with us. He is with me.
Needless to say, I cried even more. Jesus was there, in my bed, holding my hand. He was collecting my tears and leading me toward my healing. He granted me His presence. My weakness and even, my feeling sorry for myself blinded me from enjoying His Spirit.
He had long before prepared me for the wilderness.
Since the day I chose to follow him, the Spirit of God settled in me. He promised to hold my hand.
Promised to be my advocate (John 14:26),
promised to speak when I can’t speak (Romans 8:26),
promised to comfort me (2 Corinthians 1:3-4),
promised to walk with me. (Galatians 5:22-23)
It is comforting and humbling to know He is near. His presence is sealed in me.
I am not out of the wilderness yet.
But, with the Spirit of God, I am prepared for it.
Are you prepared for your wilderness?
Stay tuned for the next word…
