I always knew I wanted to be a mom. So when my husband and I got married we were ready to start planning our family.
Our wedding was in March 2008 and in December, we were overjoyed with our positive home pregnancy test. After a visit to the doctor confirmed it and she said, “You are pregnant!” They were the words we needed to hear.
Like any new parents, we were ecstatic by the gift of life growing in me. We had prayed and God had answered.
Weeks passed, and then we would hear, “You are having a baby girl!” A princess!!! What a thrill!
Our first baby, the first niece, and the first grand baby in both our families. This little one would soon be spoiled and loved.
The fun of buying clothes, dresses, and bows would begin. The color purple and pink would be in every outfit, plus cute little shoes and baby toys. It was an unforgettable season of nesting for our first-born.
Nausea, vomiting, swollen feet, and uncomfortable sleep would be part of that too. Still, it was all worth it, knowing she would soon be with us. Healthy, beautiful and strong. So by week 41, I was just ready to be done and meet her.
Labor was hard, to say the least. I pictured that my water would break naturally, that I would have contractions that I could tolerate and it would all seem like a nice movie. I was a bit delusional and had unrealistic expectations.
You can’t completely predict what your body will experience and how it will react to labor and birth. I experienced several complications, one of them was I did not dilate. I will omit from sharing the reasons why because the details are TMI, (too much information). But because of this struggle, I had a painful procedure to begin the dilation process but it didn’t help and inducing labor was the next step.
I was disappointed because I had other expectations that I had to quickly let go of. On top of that, I couldn’t tolerate the strong pain of induced labor, so I choose the epidural to ease the discomfort and to help me rest but the relief was temporary. Labor was long and the needle came out before the delivery and I experienced the sweet pain of childbirth. Again I felt upset of how unexpected and out of my control everything had occurred.
Looking back there are many things I wish I could have done differently. I would have liked to prepare my heart and mind better for all the possible options, plus be emotionally and physically ready for the exhaustion of long labor and of many people telling me what to do and not do.
I feel like I prepared for what is generally expected but not many women talk or get taught about the other possible scenarios during childbirth. In my case, I was not ready for the complications my body experienced.
I admire women who have natural births, I wanted to be one of them. But I also believe all forms of labor should be admired and praised. “No pain no gain,” is for all women, because childbirth is painful in all circumstances. “Birth without fear,” is for all mommies because we are all brave to go through it. Many women, myself included, have felt ashamed and believe that because we did not have an all natural birth, we are not strong enough, or we have guilt over the way things developed. It took me a long time to understand that my experience was my story, and it was beautiful.
Whatever your journey has been with childbirth and whatever decisions you took or had to take, let me just affirm you that those are fine. You (and or the doctor, doula, midwife etc.), know what is best for you, your body and your baby or what choices you had/have to make for the safety of yourself and your child.
I encourage you to share your story with other women, your experiences, knowledge, and your struggles. You never know who your journey will impact, motivate, help or change. Share with love, understanding, compassion and with a listening heart to other women’s personal journeys and struggles with pregnancy, births, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, parenting, etc.
I am still learning to be a better listener and to meet others in the season they are in.
John 16:21 says, “A woman giving birth to a child has pain…but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”
Childbirth truly is magnificent but hard. Painful but worth it. A sacrificial experience where unconditional love is born. But after the loud groans, the pain subsides and it forms into a wordless smile and tears of happiness.
After 27 hours, she was born.
A beautiful 6 pounds 8.4 oz, 19 inches baby girl.
Her name is Natalia, she is wonderfully made.
Such marvelous workmanship, from her indescribable beauty, to perfect soft skin, and a pure sweet smell. Her big brown eyes brighten our lives and her cute nose and small perky lips were made precise. The incredible joy she brought us, helped take away the hours of pain. Her loud cry was music to our ears and when she smiled it melted our hearts. We were in love.
Have you been in love like this? Where nothing else matters and time stands still at the sight of a miracle and such beauty.
Lots of tears were shed in celebration of her life. We promised to protect her at any cost and be good stewards of the life we have been trusted with. To be her voice, when she couldn’t speak and defend her right to be heard. We vowed to teach and guide her and love her sacrificially and unconditionally. We committed to keeping her strong and healthy at any cost.
So when she had to stay an extra day because of jaundice, we, especially me, didn’t know how to react, but just to cry in despair for my sweet little girl.
Little did I know her jaundice would be small compared to the health challenges we would face within the months to come.
Stay tuned to the next word…
