“How’s your heart?” she would ask in the kindest voice.
I would process that question for a few minutes and then spill my life out for her to listen to. She would graciously hear all the anxiety, mess or confusion in my heart and would lovingly ask more great questions.
“What are you learning from that?” and “Where is Jesus meeting you in this?” she would add.
Michelle and I spoke every other week on the phone and weekly through text. She became my mentor and coach for the ministry I am on staff with, more than that she was a sister and friend.
She would always know what to ask and how to get to the root of my situation, whether good or hard. Her wisdom can only be explained from her walk with The Father. She longed to know him intimately. She spent time in The Word and in prayer just soaking up all of his goodness and love.
When she was diagnosed with cancer her relationship with God didn’t change, it only grew stronger. Don’t hear me wrong, cancer is hard, draining, exhausting and at times she would say she was defeated, but her weakness and pain would move her closer to Jesus. She knew so well that spending time with Jesus would give her the strength to face another day or even just the next hour.
The Bible says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) Michelle allowed Christ’s power to rest on her.
In every conversation Michelle and I had, the word GRACE was talked about. She was good at pointing out that most of my struggles derived from not receiving or embracing grace. I was either rejecting the gift the Father gives us by trying to work hard and earn it or I was just not enjoying the sweetness of grace. But she didn’t judge me instead she met me where I was at, she invested in my heart, she entered in my pain.
Michelle was an incredible woman!
She was generous, compassionate, radiant, loving, sympathetic, brave, strong, friendly, patient, funny, smart, wise and much more to all who knew her.
We were friends for more than 10 years and it was not long enough. She always found time for our relationship. Even in the midst of treatment, chemo, her own struggles, work, she would find time to meet and talk with me. She never rushed our calls or our rare face to face dates, always answered my text or emails and most of all we prayed together. She would intercede for me and I for her, and together we would find the supernatural peace from the Wordless Voice that interceded for us. I will always treasure those moments.
In our years of friendship, there are many things I am grateful for. There are several stories that one day I hope to tell about Michelle, but today I will share how she was an advocate for me.
Michelle was great at using her voice to advance the voice of others.
Especially other women or for those whose voices were not valued.
On July, of last year, I text her to thank her for using her voice to open doors into places I couldn’t have gotten into if not for her. She texts me back and said, “I am so glad. I guess my many years of feeling like a minority in some settings and my insecurities from the past allowed me to fit more with you than others.”
Throughout our friendship, we discovered several things we had in common. One of them was feeling voiceless, she too had times where she was unheard or misunderstood. Michelle’s experiences had taught her how to use her voice for others.
This was another topic of conversation in our calls and mentoring times. She would constantly motivate me to speak up and use my voice. My own insecurities would block me from speaking up and sharing what God was challenging me to say. Honestly, this conversation lasted several years, where she would challenge my heart and again address the root of these insecurities. She spoke truth, was willing to have deep conversations, and join my brokenness. I will always be grateful for our time.
Through the years, I received notes, texts even some gifts from her to build me up and help fight against my doubts.
I can tell you that through her advice I have learned to better use my voice. I continue to be a work in process but her years of joining me in this battle moved me to the next level of growth.
Over the last 3 years, she pushed me even further. She believed in me and because of it I learned to believe more in myself and felt secure in speaking up. I have been able to share my story, thoughts, and ideas with different groups of people. I have been able to visit places I only dreamed of and achieve unexpected things. All because Michelle used her influence and voice to grow and develop mine. I am very grateful that God gifted me with her friendship.
We had such sweet conversations and I miss her voice, her questions, her wisdom, her grace, and her pointing out God’s grace in and through me.
Michelle went to our heavenly home on August 10th of last year.
A few weeks before she passed I was able to share with her about Wordless Voice and what God was teaching me and even in the midst of her final days, she encouraged me. That’s just who she was.
Michelle inspired me to use my voice to share my dreams, faith, and ideas but also taught me to use it to advocate for others. Her example, of loving others by putting them before her was very visible in all she did. Even when she was severely struggling with her health, she would continue to pray, counsel, motivate, develop and impart wisdom into others. All of this due to her desire to be more like Christ.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.”
Philippians 2:3-7
Michelle emanated Jesus, was a leader, servant, an example to my family.
In my first post, I shared with you one of the reasons I started the Wordless Voice blog.
The other reason I started writing is a result of my friendship with her. Michelle aspired her voice to serve others, and she accomplished this. She sacrificed her time, position and platform so others could be heard.
Her example motivates me to use this blog to advocate for others who feel unheard or voiceless.
I dream that the stories you read, will motivate, impulse and challenge you. I also hope to continue to follow Michelle’s example.
Still, it took me a long time to decide to activate my blog, like I said before because it’s scary and like you have read today because of my insecurities. So, God sweetly reminds me of his grace and reminds me of my conversations with Michelle.She emailed me once and said, “I hear your inner heart needing to slow down… and experience grace in the process. Can you sit in this, let your heart feel it and let the Lord come sit in it with you and speak to you about it?”
As I dream big dreams of all the stories I want to write about and share, I have to continue to remind myself to slow down and sit with Him first. Michelle knew her need to sit with Him first in order for her heart to be well.
Friend, how’s your heart? Have you found some time to sit with The Father?
If you haven’t, I invite you to do so today. He is willing and waiting.
I also hope you have a friend like Michelle. She kept me accountable, helped me accomplish my goals, invested in my life, heard and loved me.
I encourage you to open your heart to a friendship like hers or to be a friend like her to another person in your life.
Once you sit with the Father ask him to send you a friend who uses their voice to pierce your heart or let’s ask Him to help us be this type of friend too.
I am not the only woman her sisterhood affected and I hope A Tribute to Her Voice comforts and reminds you of moments with her. This post was difficult to write, lots of tears shed as I re-lived moments in our friendship. Grief does continue but those of us who know Jesus know there is hope beyond death. I know I will see Michelle again and I am glad she is not in pain anymore, she is healed and made new. Her life is an illustration of what a life changed by Christ looks like.
Through this post, I desire to honor and celebrate Michelle’s life and legacy as best I can. Writing about her helps me to grieve the pain of missing her. To those who knew her, may reading this help with your grief too and continue healing from her absence. Also, may it remind you of the Voice she always encouraged us to hear.
Stay tuned to the next word…
Thank you, Laurie.